Okay so. I really love this right now.
I am slowly but surely realising that this is what I want to venture into. I have never felt a closer need to be so creative, I am living, breathing everything creative right now. Forget my writing for a second, I find myself paying more attention to the arts, I want to learn more, push more, I listen to music or read something mind blowing, I smile just thinking what ways to provoke emotions. I am content in this space that I am in, nothing else really matters to me as much anymore. At this crucial time in my life, I am making a move that I may not enjoy, which now makes me realise what it is I truly love.
This has to be my future, my knowledge will grow as the years go by, vocabulary will enhance within time, realizing that there is no rush. The thoughts of turning this into my full time job spurs me to achieve more. Like I need to start and get busy, Im loosing sleep in frustration just wanting more. Lol I laugh because I often search when there is no need, I seek solace in this new area that is comforting, that doesn’t hurt, that doesn’t ignore, argue, that doesn’t expect things at a certain point. It is as free as it should be.
“THERE HAS TO BE A REASON, ALL OF THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING JUST FOR THE SAKE OF IT”
I also started taking photos, this week has been interesting, post the EP recording I am really thinking differently and embracing things that have always been there. One of which is my flatmates camera. I want one, Im taking pictures that I find interesting, I want to capture love and pain in pixles. I want to write to what I see, noting a permanent memory, complimenting what I see.
Like, how do you capture pain?
I really love this. I am that geek right now, that person that will happily say FUCK you, yes I am boring, so leave me with my camera, pen, pad, Blackberry memo pad, IPOD and let me be. Ive raved Ive fought I’ve had x amount of friends, Ive been that individual, dne. Whats next? Time to venture into something else!
“IT IS JUST SO FRUSTRATING!”
I feel like its all bottled in my head, Id love to share it with a chosen few but in all honesty, I cant even think straight.
I am also aware that this may turn me slightly crazy, like when you are consumed by this day in day out without a real social life as such, it really fucks with you but I cant escape it, it makes me appreciate things a lot more.
It’s the life im currently living
All I know, is that I really love this right now, never do I want it to leave me.