Monday, 4 January 2010

Numbody

Wunmi never smiled at me today
I always make her smile
Silly faces pulled but she looked straight through me as if she dug into my soul, almost as if she wanted to fix the pain.
I felt guilty and helpless, forcing facial expressions would have me looking a clown
I frown asking, what's wrong?
Her silence reminded
Cut through
Visuals of past incidents flooding back, shook up at the thoughts of the current situation
She started crying and mum came to the rescue
I am breaking without acknowledging
I am a Numbody
Strings attached to my limbs I shall walk talk converse socialise perform work call text bathe clothe attend support get paid spend go out get drunk argue loose friends make friends fake friends greet foe's confuse people keeping arms length and returning to my four walls with the creak fixed
I look in the mirror and my feelings are mixed
Searching for an answer to a question I am scared to put together
You just don't understand...
What can be expected from a person that doesn't have as much expectations in himself but the drive is evident
And my silence or refusal to converse or meet must be due to my way of things but not a deeper reasoning
Drain and
Drain and
Drain and drainnnnN!
To a stage that a two year old now visualises numbness in what was once warm..
And I'm sitting here on a sunday afternoon
Blocked nose thinking what's wrong?

You just don't understand...

Not expecting you to either..

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